When someone is gaslighting you, they want you to believe a different reality. It’s not easy to detect gaslighting, especially if you are in a close relationship with the gaslighter. The following phrases could indicate someone is using to twist your belief in the truth. It’s important to note not every instance of these phrases is gaslighting. You have to determine if the person speaking is trying to control the way you think on a regular basis. If so, you may need some help getting free from the gaslighting cycle.
1. I didn’t say that! You’re making that up.
Gaslighters want you to doubt your own memories of a past conversation. They have their own version of the conversation they want you to believe. If you disagree, they will say you are being dishonest or have a poor memory.
2. You’ve got the wrong friends.
When others stick up for you and point out ways the gaslighter is manipulating you, the gaslighter will attack those people. They will try to isolate you, so you only believe their side of the story.
3. This is not me being angry. You have never seen me angry.
Sometimes, the gaslighter is clearly angry, but when you point that out, they deny it. They will make you question your judgment about their emotions and reactions.
4. You deserved to be cheated on.
Turning the blame on you for their wrong behaviour is something gaslighters do very well.
5. You are so lucky that I put up with you.
This gaslighting tactic is belittling. The gaslighter makes you assume you are the one who is behaving badly, and then they let you believe that they’re being gracious by still being in a relationship with you.
6. You are the one gaslighting me.
Gaslighters will do anything to make you defend yourself and stay emotionally unstable. Turning your statements around on you is classic gaslighting behaviour.
Need help untangling yourself from all the deceit and manipulation? A professional therapist has experience dealing with victims of gaslighting. We can help you make a plan for your future. Contact us for more information.